Lola is now in her mid-90s. She spends most of her time in bed, sleeping. Whenever I come home to visit, she would be all smiles. Soon after that she’d open her right palm, asking for money. I would laugh and give her 20-peso bills since she would complain if I only hand one or two hundred peso bills. Konti lang daw.
Lola I think is exhibiting signs of Alzheimer’s as of late. She forgets if she has eaten. She gets mad at tito, her youngest son, for not giving her the money earned from the goods she used to sell from way, way back. She imagines things, like the kasambahay eating her food or stealing her money.
Just yesterday, she asked where her parents (my great-grandparents) were. She pointed out that she saw them in the stairs just adjacent her room. Nanghina raw si mama nung narinig niya yun.
I remember that the same thing happened to my paternal lola. Papa saw lolo standing in the stairs while he was dressing lola’s bed sores, as if he was there to fetch his wife. A few days later, lola died.
But to make things clear. Lola is still in good health. She can still walk with the aid of a stroller. She can still eat on her own. She still recognizes me. But I always have this nagging feeling that her days are numbered. That she is just waiting for death to come. That maybe she would probably die peacefully in her sleep.
Maybe it’s just the pessimist in me. Having all these negative thoughts. And I always brush the thought aside. It won’t do me any good.
But to be honest, I’m scared.