She

It was the 14th of february many years ago. You invited me for a barbecue dinner at your place. I had a few drinks and got slightly drunk. You offered me your couch and that was where I spent the night. I remember it was early morning when I awoke and saw you in your pajamas. You were sitted opposite where I slept. You had your knees up under your chin and arms wrapped around your legs. You told me you were watching me as I slept. I thought that was sweet and until now no one has ever topped that.

Soon after, you and me became us but that didn’t last. Through the years while caught on traffic or in the middle of work I would suddenly remember you. That is exactly the reason why I’m writing this piece. Weird. I have thought about why we drifted apart or why you threw in the towel. I realize now that it was entirely my fault. I was too selfish. Opting to be by myself or immersing myslf in work than spendng time with you. I’m sorry for the pain I caused. I wasn’t able to say that when we last talked.

If we have met now, at this very moment, the us would surely have treaded a different path. I entertained the idea of calling you soon after I left the company where we both worked but I chickend out. You’re happy now. I know that. I don’t want to disturb your seemingly blissful life. You deserve that after the pain I caused. And you’re many miles away now. Living your dream. The dream we dreamed together.

I know we’ll meet somewhere in some distant time and I hope that when that time comes, I will look at you without a tinge of regret or sadness. I would by then have made peace with myself and maybe, just maybe I would no longer be alone.

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