Blunder

I’m pissed. At myself. You see, I made a huge blunder on my job. It was the only time, as far as I can remember, that I didn’t test a program if it still worked after making a very simple fix. And when I submitted it to my American boss it didn’t work as designed. My boss wasn’t pleased. I think my blunder was even more compounded that our LAN was having problems and it was making everyone cranky. Bad timing. Rotten timing.

The blunder ruined my Friday and probably on the coming days until I get the thought of it out of my system. My American lead, who fixed it for me, advised that I not dwell on it. Past is past. Nothing can be done. Learn from experience. Test everything. But I couldn’t help it. I put a really high standard on myself and on the work that I do that when “mistakes” happen I like to beat myself in the head and berate myself endlessly, constantly.

I don’t know if that’s going to affect my performance review in three-months time. I hope not. I hope they don’t focus too much on that. But then again I don’t think I’ve done something exceptional these past few months. That’s a bummer.

What I really need is to focus on the task at hand when one is given to me. I tried that recently, on the day that I made the blunder, and look what happened. The gods were working against me. I’m sure of it.

And try to get myself to focus for 8 hours straight is a daunting task. I’m a Gemini and Gemini’s mind tend to wander. Madaming iniisip. I tell myself I’m going to conquer this.

Focus.
Focus.
Focus.

I sent an email to my American lead telling him that I have attached the functional and technical document for a task that was assigneed to me. A few minutes later. He emailed back. The attachment was not in the email.

Shit!

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